President’s Gun Control Executive Order Will Totally Reduce Street Crime

Humour: Tom Mchale

New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo: FoxNews.com
New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo: FoxNews.com
My Gun Culture
My Gun Culture

USA –-(Ammoland.com)- The shooting community was stunned by two Executive Orders from the Obama administration earlier this week.

One of the proclamations effectively closes a secret loophole commonly used by street thugs, gang members, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. Under current law, legally formed corporations and trust officers are able to purchase restricted firearms such as short-barreled shotguns, automatic rifles and sound suppressors. The new Executive Order mandates finger prints, background checks and local law enforcement approval of officers and trustees before these legal entities can apply for special permits from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Although the process is cumbersome, federally controlled and takes 6 to 12 months to complete, administration officials are convinced that low lifes and gang bangers are taking advantage.

“Fo shizzle!” whined one Crips member who declined to be identified. “I was planning a couple of jackings for sometime next spring or summer. I figured I would need to be strapped for that,  so I had my mouthpiece at the law firm of Rutherford, Collingsworth and Davenport drawing me up a Subchapter S Corporation. You need that to begin the application process for restricted firearms ya know.”

“Obviously the benefits of limited financial liability of the partners and flexibility of taxable income distribution will benefit my fellow bangers too. Besides, the Bloods all use Limited Liability Corporations, so we didn't want to go that route.”

Most gang members we spoke to were still in a state of shock, wondering how they were going to acquire restricted weapons now that the corporate and trust loophole is being closed. Many top 100 law firms are already planning for losses in billable revenue.

“Losing thug life business is really going to hurt” moaned Commerce Winthorpe, Esquire, founding partner of the prestigious firm Winthorpe, Winthorpe and Fiddy Cent PeaceOut!, LLC. “We're definitely going to have to cut back on complimentary mint juleps on Friday afternoons.”

Administration officials expect the measure to eliminate virtually all crime resulting from the loophole.

“Today's street thugs have gotten pretty sophisticated” explained an anonymous administration official.

“They'll plan a mugging 6-12 months in advance to allow time for setting up a corporation, completing the BATFE application, and waiting for agency approval to get a suppressed double deuce. The days of spontaneous jackings are long gone.”

While insiders won't comment, many expect the next Executive Order will close the notorious non-profit museum loophole, believed to be the root cause of cannon, flintlock and gatling gun crime.

About: Tom McHale describes himself as a conservative gun-totin' bible-clingin' literary assault dude who enjoys finding humor in just about anything. He has started a new book series project – Insanely Practical Guides – to help make sense of all that complicated shooting stuff. Learn more at insanelypracticalguides.com

His web blog My Gun Culture is an irreverent, twisted look at gun news bordering on the ridiculous. It covers shootin' stuff, loud noises, defending your own, the occasional mall ninja, and about 200 years of the American way. These are the (partially) true stories of My Gun Culture says Tom. Visit: mygunculture.com

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steve
7 years ago

This week has kicked off with a bunch of news stories that counter the positive momentum we’ve enjoyed the past few week with regards to gun rights. How do you feel about registration and confiscation? We want to know. Please take our one question poll and subscribe to see our commentary at the end of the week. http://muzzlefront.com/gun-registration/

TEX
TEX
7 years ago

Texas is about to secede from the US. Its become real obvious that one hell of alot of Republicans in the US Senate and Congress have betrayed their oath of office and are allowing that POS african born muslim to get away with anything he wants. That is the real tragedy of all this.I guess they are afraid they will be labeled racists,I dont know. But while the RINO’s are concerned about that ridiculous BS the country goes down the sh*tter.Texas has it all and damn sure dont need the US under these circumstances “Texas like a whole other country”… Read more »

CR Fultonr
CR Fultonr
7 years ago

ok,I’ll bite, who at the NSA put u up to this? Bcuz this has got to be the most obvious con job since the Benghazi cover up. Some rap/gunman hiring “Winthrope” law firm? gimmie a break. Sad thing about the above is that maybe America has grown stupid enough – or YOU assume we have, that we might believe all this drivel. Reality check: we believe no one. Not even you. No one. Not in Washington, ANY of the press corps, half of what we read, and most of what we see. Lock and loa.

Troy Scott
Troy Scott
7 years ago

Of all murders committed in the last 50 years how many have been committed by these restricted weapons? How many of them were legally owned? feely good looky good law!

smitty
smitty
7 years ago

That was awesome….super funny piece to an assinine presidential action.

TEX
TEX
7 years ago

That little african boy is a piece of work.Great article.These executive orders from this kenya, africa boy will be reversed once we have an American back in office. TEX

MyGunCulture
7 years ago

Fo Shizzle Bill! Those are awfully kind words! When you have such insanely ridiculous TRUE material to work with, satire is pretty easy 🙂

Seanoamericano
Seanoamericano
7 years ago

That has got to be the best description of exactly how stupid these people are. I read that feinstein said after guns are confiscated then criminals will want to turn in theirs thats how it works.

Bill Baker
Bill Baker
7 years ago

This should be submitted to The Onion or the Daily Currant. Classic stuff, funniest piece I’ve read about gun control ever. Awesome.