Joy, Pain, Addiction, Success, Failure & Who to Blame – My Thoughts

By John Farnam

"The future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves." ~ Sarah Connor
“The future’s not set. There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves.” ~ Sarah Connor
Defense Training International, Inc
Defense Training International, Inc

Ft Collins, CO –-( “With all the pain and sorrow in store, why do we always arrange for more?” ~ Kipling

Even in America, where most of us have enough to eat, and more than a few opportunities to make some species of success of ourselves, as well as the freedom to exploit them, many still, through poor personal choices, lead wretched, short, unproductive, and painfully pointless lives.

Of course, none of us get a pain-free, nor disaster-free existence, and we all face the identical end. We all get to live (for some period), and then we all get to die. You just don’t get to know when, nor would you want to! Both life and death are “one-way.” Bacteria will have their victory, in every case!

During our lives, challenges come at us in no particular order, and mostly for no particular reason. Some are fleeting. Some last a lifetime. The way we deal with them, and the way we thus develop our personal M/O, defines us and our individual character. Our individual character then defines our destiny!

Here are the things that predictably make a hash of promising lives, even for those who otherwise have everything else going for them:

(1) Toxic Attitude (2) Toxic Habits (3) Toxic Addictions (4) Toxic Obsessions (5) Toxic Relationships

A rebellious chip-on-the-shoulder is something we all have at one time or another. Most grow out of it. Some never do! An ability to sincerely repent and change course is necessary for any kind of victorious life. Most of us have to do it more than once! Those who have too much vanity and personal arrogance to repent are condemned to a lifetime of continual frustration, sorrow, and failed relationships.

When you don’t want to be saved, you won’ t be!

Particularly unhelpful are:

A sense of “entitlement”, Sloth, Paranoia, Sleazy, personal morals and standards Narcissism. A casual attitude toward the truth. Uncontrolled impulsiveness.

Toxic habits are happiness killers! Some toxic habits, like smoking, are chemical and instantly addictive, and last a (shortened) lifetime. Others, like pathological lying, are behavioral, but just as destructive. Getting rid of toxic habits, once again, requires sincere repentance and active course changing.

Otherwise, you’ll die with them.. most likely of them!

Addictions can be chemical or behavioral, as noted above. Not all are bad, and not all are unavoidable. For example, we’re all hopelessly “addicted ” to food and air. Destructive addictions include chronically getting yourself into dangerous situations, pornography, and chemical dependencies. Once again, the best way, by far, to deal with a toxic addiction, particularly the well-known ones, is to never start!

"The future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves." ~ Sarah Connor
“The future’s not set. There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves.” ~ Sarah Connor

Interests, pastimes, and hobbies are all fine and normal, until they become obsessive! Going off the deep end with any diversion, from excessive hand-washing to compulsively collecting of Barbie Dolls, is a sure sign of mental illness. Nothing good will come of it!

Often, young girls like the “excitement” having a “bad boy” boyfriend. Likewise, boys think having the “slut” girlfriend is stimulating and attention-getting. The stark truth is: losers attract only other losers. When you’re not a loser, any attraction you may feel toward a loser is toxic and ill-advised.

My long-time friend and colleague, Mas Ayoob, sees the disastrous consequences of “toxic relationships” when he assists in criminal litigation. No matter how sincerely you want to “help” a chronic loser, you will be wounded far more than he is ever helped. Like the drowning man, he will go down, and drag you with him!

It is truly said, “When you sleep with dogs, you’re going to get fleas.”

Your friends should all be smarter, more successful, more righteous, and better looking than you. That way, associating with them always makes you look good! Going the other way does nothing for you, and never will!

Even for the best and most fortunate among us, happiness and contentment are illusive, while sorrow and disaster are never more than a breath away. Within that prison of circumstance, for one, I intend to have the audacity to experience every good thing this life has to offer, taking my chances along the way.

However, it is truly said, “There is no form of slavery more disgraceful than that which is self-imposed!”

When you want someone to blame, look no further than a mirror!

“There is no ‘secret.’ Tell the truth, work hard, and come to dinner on time.” ~ Gerald R Ford


"The future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves." ~ Sarah Connor
“The future’s not set. There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves.” ~ Sarah Connor

About John Farnam & Defense Training International, Inc
As a defensive weapons and tactics instructor John Farnam will urge you, based on your own beliefs, to make up your mind in advance as to what you would do when faced with an imminent and unlawful lethal threat. You should, of course, also decide what preparations you should make in advance, if any. Defense Training International wants to make sure that their students fully understand the physical, legal, psychological, and societal consequences of their actions or inactions.

It is our duty to make you aware of certain unpleasant physical realities intrinsic to the Planet Earth. Mr Farnam is happy to be your counselor and advisor. Visit:

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So many great points here starting with “When you don’t want to be saved, you won’t be,” and continuing to Proverbs and laying down with dogs. My favorite is, “There is no form of slavery as disgraceful as that which is self imposed.” I hadn’t heard that last quote before and may have taken a long time to see how it applied in my own life, but it IS so true. It’s also so true that we can change. The future isn’t written in stone and is determined, in a large part, by our free will. So many people suffer… Read more »