Deer Assault At The Outhouse, Once Upon A Time


Old Outhouse in Snow Covered Field
The Old Outhouse in the Snow Covered Field

USA – -( Once upon a time at the edge of the hardwood forest, near the outhouse, the deer attacked the old man.

Even though the old man had given up deer hunting many years ago he still kept his huunting license current. But due to age, health issues and a few military related injuries it was getting harder and harder for the old man to walk in his forest and stalk the four-legged prey.

There was no flat ground in the forest, and that made mobility for the old man even harder. Still, every year since the Department of Defense got their claws out of the old man’s hide, when deer season approached the old man drove out to his forest and waited for the deer hunt to begin.

He would take the old woman with him, but she too had military-related problems when it came to her mobility. The solution for transportation for the old woman was they bought a mule for the old girl to ride on.

Just because the old man did not hunt was no reason for the forest to go unused. There was a dedicated party of hunters who came from the big city every year to hunt in the old man’s forest. The old man and woman would invite the hunters to their metal cabin for an evening meal every deer season. The old man loved to hear the deer hunting stories, even if they were the same tales every year. One day they would get that freak 30 point buck, that hides in the old man’s forest.

Everyone in the big city hunting party had more than one deer tag and would always joke with the old man, that if he accidentally came across a deer, he was to be sure and shoot that deer. Then everyone would laugh because they knew the old man was never going to shoot another deer in his forest.

The coywolves of eastern Canada have arrived in the old man’s forest, and they hunt like wolfs, in packs. Between the coywolves, the six-toed mountain lion, and the two-legged animals that trespass while carrying firearms in the old man’s forest, he never goes anywhere without a gun.

A handgun did not seem like enough capability, but carrying a long gun all the time in the old man’s forest was a bit too much, especially in weight.

A Henry Arms Mares Leg in 357 mag was just the tool the old man needed. Loaded with some Buffalo Bore’s 357 mag Outdoorsman ammo, it was highly unlikely there would be anything lurking in the old man’s forest that could not be dispatched with the Mares Leg.

The trick was to be able to carry the Mares Leg all through deer season but still have your hands free to use a walking stick on the frozen, slippery ground next to the metal cabin. The answer was to use a Mernickle Field Carry Mares Leg Holster. The old man could place the Mares Leg in the holster and slip the backpack style rig on his back and go about his business. Safe with the knowledge a small compact centerfire firearm was readily available to handle evil.

Henry Arms Mares Leg in 357 mag
Henry Arms Mares Leg in 357 mag

It was the second morning of deer season, and the snow had turned to ice, so the old man was spreading salt on the pathway to the outhouse. When he was finished with that project, he stepped into the outhouse to satisfy old man’s personal needs. In the quiet of the little hut, the old man’s mind began to wander back to his glory days and if he still had what it takes.

From inside the outhouse he heard snorting and the shuffling of hooves on the ice covered gravel. When he stepped out to see what was going on, two bucks were squared off only feet away from the outhouse and a doe was standing by.

It was like a scene in a cartoon. Both deer turned their heads to observe what was coming out of the outhouse. With the proverbial deer-in-the-headlight look on their furry faces they stopped fighting each other and charged the old man.

The old man had taken the Mernickle back pack holster off and it along with the Mares Leg it was hanging on a hook in the outhouse. The better part of valor told the old man to duck back into the safety of the necessary house. The two bucks would not leave the steps of the outhouse. The old man was trapped. He shouted and banged on the side of the outhouse hoping to scare away the deer.

Looking out of the window of the outhouse no deer could be seen after a short wait. So, the old man with his Henry Mares Leg in one hand and his walking stick in the non-shooting hand came out from the safety of the outhouse. He was but a few steps out the door when in the periphery of his left eye he spotted the two bucks about fifty feet away.

Both deer charged at the same time. The old man dropped his walking stick, while simultaneously firing the Mares Leg at the larger of the two bucks. With both hands on the Mares Leg he racked a second round into the chamber and fired at the younger buck. At this point he spotted the doe, decided she caused all this kafuffle and she would be the best eating, so the old man put his third shot into the doe.

All three deer stood like they were in shock, staggered in three different directions and then all three fell to the ground, not fifty feet from the metal cabin.

The short 12.9 inch barrel of the 357 mag Henry Mares Leg rifle tends to make a lot of noise. The old woman came running out to see what had happened. She took one look at the three dead deer, told her husband to go get the guys in the nearby deer camp and tell them to get the damn deer off her walk way.

The big buck should have been a twelve pointer but it would appear he had been fighting with anyone who came along this rut season and he had a lot of damage to his rack.

Everyone knows there are tragic car vs. deer crashes every year that people die in. The insurance companies really do not like deer. What most people do not know is deer attack and kill humans on a regular basis in this country. If they knock you down when they charge, they will come back with their antlers at the ready and finish you off if they can.

Old age, ice on the ground and limited mobility put the old man at a decidedly dangerous disadvantage.

The Henry Mares Leg and the Mernickle back pack holster put the deer living in the old man’s forest at a decided disadvantage. Tim Sundles 357 mag, Buffalo Bore Outdoorsman ammunition is what gave the old man the edge that facilitated three, one-shot kills in a matter of seconds and perhaps saved his life.

Suddenly the old man realized he was getting cold and it was time to go back to the warm cabin. This, of course, all happened once upon a time in the old man and the old woman’s hardwood forest. Except for the three deer, no animals were harmed in the telling of the deer hunting fairy tale.

And, everyone lived happily ever after, including the thirty point buck that roams in the old man’s forest. The headmaster at my three room village school back in Innellan, Scotland used to tell me “och away with you lad, that’s a wee fairy story your telling.”

Major Van Harl USAF Ret. / [email protected]

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Vance Lackore

Seeing the picture took me back 8 decades to Gramp’s farm. Loved the camp tale! wrote a story about tommy the fisherman from a different point of view. thanks for triple that turned into a home run.

Scott Campbell

May I have some more Please?

wayne n howell

Major, more like this please. I enjoyed it thoroughly..


A pretty entertaining ‘plug’!! Josh Randal would have appreciated it too!

Dr. Strangelove

The real trick with the mare’s leg is actually hitting your target.


“Quite”, “Quiet”, and “Quit” are different words that are not interchangeable.
Such as, “QUITE the story you have here.”
As compared to, “The QUIET in the outhouse was broken by a loud snort.”
Followed by, “QUIT telling such far-fetched tales using the wrong weapons.”


A typing error that was not caught by the spell checker. Give the guy a break.


Or even an error that was created by the autocorrect spell checker .
Personally, I hate “AUTOCORRECT” due to corrections it has made in my sentences.
I know I am not perfect but the same goes for autocorrect.

Dave in Fairfax

Everybody wants to complain, but nobody wants to fix the problem. I’m put in mind of SNL. Specifically the Soup Nazi.