Cheaper Than Death.Com – The Machetes Are Here

By Major Van Harl USAF Ret

Five Steel Blade Machetes
Five Steel Blade Machetes
Major Van Harl USAF Ret
Major Van Harl USAF Ret

Wisconsin –-(Ammoland.com)-  Spring is in the air, and it is time to get back out to the farm and start clearing more brush.

Southwest Oklahoma and much of the western part of this country has a water problem—there is not enough of it.

In Wisconsin right now that is not an issue. As soon as it starts warming up the weeds and underbrush will again try to reclaim that part of my farm in western Wisconsin that every year I try to clear off and keep clear of high grass, willow saplings and brambles. I have a couple of cheap machetes I picked up at a discount store, but cheap is the correct description of these tools.

They are made of thin stamped steel and seem to twist and vibrate with a spring like affect when I hit anything tougher than prairie grass. I wanted something heavier to use when battling the elements of nature.

The machete is an agricultural tool that in numerous forms and styles has found its way into cultures and societies around the world. It does not take much to teach someone new to this device how to successfully deploy a machete.

There are trade-offs with lighter vs. heavier machetes. The lighter machete does not wear the user out as fast if you are basing this on swing-for-swing, however the heavy machete allows you to make fewer chopping motions since the extra weight increases the effectiveness of each downward strike with your edged tool. The wetter and greener a location on earth is found to be, the more likely a machete will be in proximity.

With this tool so readily available to the less affluent of society it became the weapon of choice, both in the aggressive mode and in the defensive mode.

The machete has long been used as a weapon of terror, to strike fear in the hearts and minds of the unsafe. I am sure you have all heard of, or perhaps even seen some of the Friday the 13th movies. Jason is the fictional mass murderer who loves to kill dumb-ass oversexed teenagers with his trusty machete. The first of these many movies was released in 1980 so there are very few people who do not understand how frightening it is to come upon a person wielding a large machete and wearing a hockey mask.

I personally have never seen any of the Jason movies, but I surely respect, and give great distance to anyone wearing a mask and pointing a blood dripping machete in my direction.

The Colonel and I are fans of the “Walking Dead” TV series. Rick Grimes, the main character, who is one of the very few people who has managed to stay alive since the first episode of the first season, has taken to carrying a machete and very effectively managing the “walkers” (read zombies) that show up within arm’s reach.

Walking Dead's Rick Grimes Machete Technique
Walking Dead’s Rick Grimes Machete Technique

Arm’s reach is a good point to remember in your own “non-Walker” world of personal safety. As a private citizen your goal is not to wage war with evil, or try to destroy evil or even substantially inflict great physical harm or injury on evil—it is to survive the day in the presence of evil.

The first rule, however, is if evil brings a firearm to the conflict, do not try to stare down the barrel of a gun with only a bladed weapon as you tool of courage. If evil does not have a firearm a machete can be a most intimidating weapon of defense. Of course you must acquire the machete before you really need the tool. I was recently watching a British zombie apocalyptic movie where of course only the military have firearms and the average Brit is fighting off zombies with a baseball bat and the occasional rusty machete.

At the end of the movie I announced to the Colonel that thank God I had just ordered some stoutly make machetes from Cheaper than death.com, so we could pass them out to the extended family in case “walkers” show up in Milwaukee County. That is when we both started laughing when we realize it was suppose to be Cheaper than dirt.com.

A bit of a Freudian slip of the tongue, but yes, a good half dozen inexpensive, solidly made machetes were most assuredly a cheaper way to go, than losing to evil.

A five pack of Columbian made machetes sells for the excellent price of $10.25 (www.cheaperthandirt.com/product/DBA-858). Now you will pay twice that for shipping, but with a file and a sharpening stone you will have a great brush whacking tool, and perhaps even be able to meet Jason on equal terms.

Never give weeds or evil the upper hand—both need to be cut down.

Major Van Harl USAF Ret. / [email protected]

About Major Van Harl USAF Ret.:Major Van E. Harl USAF Ret., a career Police Officer in the U.S. Air Force was born in Burlington, Iowa, USA, in 1955. He was the Deputy Chief of police at two Air Force Bases and the Commander of Law Enforcement Operations at another. He is a graduate of the U.S. Army Infantry School.  A retired Colorado Ranger and currently is an Auxiliary Police Officer with the Cudahy PD in Milwaukee County, WI.  His efforts now are directed at church campus safely and security training.  He believes “evil hates organization.”  [email protected]

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Vanns40

Gun owners should never forget that the company mentioned royally ripped them off, TWICE, when ammo became scarce. Not the normal price rise but the profiteering type of increase.