Trump Activates Militia, Calls All Capable of Bearing Arms to Carry (satire)

By Dean Weingarten Posted April One 2017

Donald Trump At National Rifle Association (NRA) Conference (5/20/2016)
Donald Trump At National Rifle Association (NRA) Conference (5/20/2016)
Dean Weingarten
Dean Weingarten

Arizona – -( Saturday, President Donald Trump issued an executive order activating the Militia in all 50 states and seven U.S. territories. The executive order claimed that as president he had authority as Commander in Chief to activate the militia, consisting of “All people capable of bearing arms”.

In the order, President Trump urged all militia members to carry arms during their daily activities as a way to deter terrorism and prevent crime.

President Trump’s order was immediately decried as unconstitutional by Maximum Waters, spokesperson for the Democrat Party. Ms Waters stated that the order was blatantly illegal, because the activating militia law, dating to 1916, only applies to males, while the order applies to all people, including women, and trans women who may be biologically male, but identify as women.

Waters noted that Mr. Trump could not force women and trans-women to carry weapons, and that the infusion of tens of millions of armed militia in the streets would drive up crime, and endanger minorities in urban centers such as Chicago and Baltimore.

The order will go into effect on 1 April, 2017, at 24:59:59 Pacific time, and extend until 00:00:01 on 2 April, 2017, Eastern Standard time. Militia members are ordered to exercise the NRA safety rules and to keep their fingers outside of the trigger guard unless necessary to prevent violence.  If action is necessary, judicious marksmanship is expected.

NRA spokesperson, Chris LaPierre, declined comment in time for publication.

Gun Owners of America issued a brief statement saying that the order was long overdue, but did not go far enough. Nonetheless, GOA considered the action a good first step.

National Pubic Radio commentator Mary Liason stated that numerous studies showed that millions of untrained militia on the streets with weapons of war would result in bloodshed. Just look at Venezuela, Brazil, Liberia, Somalia, Iraq and Zimbabwe, she explained.

White House spokesman Sean Spicer defended the order at a press briefing. The President is exercising his lawful authority under the National Defense act of 1916, Spicer said.  A quick search on the Internet yielded this result. From

The act of February 28, 1795,1670 which delegated to the President the power to call out the militia, was held constitutional.1671 A militiaman who refused to obey such a call was not “employed in the service of the United States so as to be subject to the article of war,” but was liable to be tried for disobedience of the act of 1795.1672


Under the National Defense Act of 1916,1674 the militia, which hitherto had been an almost purely state institution, was brought under the control of the National Government. The term “militia of the United States” was defined to comprehend “all able-bodied male citizens of the United States and all other able-bodied males who have . . . declared their intention to become citizens of the United States,” between the ages of eighteen and forty-five.

It is clear that women are not included in the militia, as stated by Democrat Spokesperson Maximum.  Senator Schumer said that he expects impeachment papers to be issued later today in the Senate.

Judges in California, Hawaii, and Washington state are expected to write judicial decrees blocking President Trump from issuing any additional orders to any military organization. One judge is said to have ruled that calling up the militia is racist, sexist, and homophobic, therefore the order is illegal.

Those who have read this far will recognize that the first day of April is reserved for the application of stories designed to enlighten people otherwise deficient in wisdom.

©2017 by Dean Weingarten: Permission to share is granted when this notice and link are included.

Gun Watch

About Dean Weingarten;

Dean Weingarten has been a peace officer, a military officer, was on the University of Wisconsin Pistol Team for four years, and was first certified to teach firearms safety in 1973. He taught the Arizona concealed carry course for fifteen years until the goal of constitutional carry was attained. He has degrees in meteorology and mining engineering, and recently retired from the Department of Defense after a 30 year career in Army Research, Development, Testing, and Evaluation.

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VT Patriot

Sarc, yeah. But good sarcasm takes the truth. twists it and make it humorous. Dean did an excellent job of describing pretty accurately what would happen if such an order were issued. Mad Max would indeed jump on it as being racist and trans phobic. If it weren’t for thise 2 words, Mad Max would be reduced to a bumbling idiot.

Keith Kilby

Do it

John Dunlap

This is too close to being a hypothetical, but that’s just because our politics have become satire.


It’s all funny till some ‘Snowflake’s’ feelings are hurt because of a perceived ‘micro-aggression’. WTF?


I take it, ALL of you are bedroom commandos. There is NO 24:00, it goes 23:59:59 then 0:0:0.
Plus, it, allegedly, went into effect on April 1.
I am sure none of you have actual military service (otherwise you would have known the post was fake).

Wild Bill

@Craig, No…we got it! Well, except for Gil the humorless (and knowledgeless).


For the sake of argument my friend I believe you may and I may also be correct. Military watch’s usually end and begin at 2400 End of watch relieve by John Doe relieve custody of 1 45 cal firearm serial # xxxxxxbans xx roundsof 45 ammo. Next entry 0001 Assumed watch from John Doe Assumed custody od 1 45 cal handgun serial # XXXXXX
and XX rounds of AMMO condition normal Captain is on board. end of one day beginning of a new. Am I correct?

Phillip Evans

Darn, and I thought there for a second that we’d have Post Office Carry, carry in Federal park buildings and libraries, and other unguarded Federal off-limits property and buildings.

Oh well, when is that “No More Gun Free Zones” promise going to be honored? Only time will tell, I suppose.


By quoting such outdated texts it can also mean the militia should be a Whites-only organization too.

Wild Bill

@Gil, Is there no room in your soul for humor?


The story that I read said Trump did NOT actually activate the militia, he wanted to say “Bear arms” to all capable men and women. However, as is typical for him he said “Arm all bears” and now the park service is having to deal with Grizzlys carrying AKs!

VT Patriot

Good one Dean. A full 2 seconds. LOL, can’t wait to see the ‘common core brigade’ jump on this one. Oh the horror… ROFL.


All Executive Orders are unconstitutional. That said, The State Militia are to keep the Federal Employees in check . What Trump has done is at best ignorant but probably its another polarity move of trying to glaze the eyes of U.S. people to the fact that the Feds are trying to take control over the State’s Liberties.

Wild Bill

@Volubrjotr, I think that the author is just having a little good humored fun with all of us.


Ok lol


24:59:59? Is that like 37 o’clock?

April Fools!


Frankly, I think such an order would be a good thing. Even “Chris LaPierre” might be in favor of it.